


it's you i've been waiting to find

by vitane



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, a literal take on the story of polaris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitane/pseuds/vitane
Summary: Lucas doesn’t know what he is; a creature, a ghost, a shadow.A boy.(What he does know, though, is that he wants to chase Eliott’s light no matter what it takes.)





	it's you i've been waiting to find

**Author's Note:**

> i really felt like writing something considering eliott's idea but i also wanted to try it very literal way so here we are! but i added some supernatural elements so itd make sense hsufhus   
> enjoy!

Lucas awakens when he feels someone entering the park.

He emerges from the shadows, filled with the foreign energy the person emits. He desperately wants to see them.

There’s light seeping through the cracks, though so Lucas needs to be patient. Wait for the night time to come. 

He wanders around the tunnel for the next few hours, excitement buzzing under his skin. It’s been so long since he’s talked or even seen someone new. God, last time he was awake must have been ages ago. 

Lucas nearly trips over his own feet, leaving the tunnel once the sun finally sets. He walks through the bushes, touches the familiar trees and walks down the paths he’s taken thousand times before. He’s so giddy he doesn’t register the lack of energy at first.

Only after he walks through the whole park twice and doesn’t meet anyone, does he feel the absence. It makes it hard to breathe, especially that the traces of energy are still prominent all over the place. 

He goes back to the tunnel minutes before the sunrise, filled with crushing disappointment and ready to fall asleep for another god knows how many years. 

A few hours pass and the person is back. Lucas snaps out of his daze immediately and keeps fidgeting, this time hoping they will be there when he can step out of the tunnel again. 

Much to his dismay, the scenario from the day before repeats. And the next day, and then again. The whole thing goes for a whole week. 

The person always disappears before all the light is gone. 

 

***

 

They say curiosity killed the cat, but Lucas is too tired of playing hide and seek with the newcomer. That’s why, when the person gets close to his tunnel one day, Lucas teeters at the edge of the shadows. Still in darkness so he can’t be seen but he can _see_ and it takes his breath away. 

From where he’s standing, he notices a mop of messy hair and a broad back. Not much, sure, but it’s blinding all the same. There’s enough light in them to kill Lucas, probably. 

He craves to stride towards them. 

He doesn’t, though, stepping back into the darkness, where he feels safe; where there are no risks. 

 

***

 

Lucas doesn’t know how he came to life. One day he just was in this forest-turned-park. At some point there were people preaching to him, seeking him out, giving him energy to be awake. Then, they disappeared and with them so did he.

He doesn’t know if he’d ever been a regular human. There are no memories of friends or family in his mind, darkness being his only home. Too scared of light and the outside world, he’s never stepped out of the park. Never basked in sunlight; consumed by fear at the mere thought of it.

Being born from shadows, he’s sure he’d disappear the second he’d be surrounded by light. And there’d be nothing left of him. That thoughts saddens him more than the prospect of being kept in the dark forever.

 

***

 

That person never stays long enough for Lucas to meet them, that much he’s gathered. But they’ve been spending their time by the tunnel more often than not. He doesn’t complain, it almost feels like they are hanging out together in these moments. 

They seem just as lonely as Lucas is and it squeezes at his heart. He wants to reach out. 

 

***

 

Lucas doesn’t feel the passage of time after he’s awake for longer than a few days, but it must be around two weeks when someone calls out for him. 

He’s spooked. 

“I know someone’s here,” the voice echoes thorough the tunnel and Lucas gulps. “I just want to say hi!” 

Well, it’s an opportunity Lucas has been waiting for isn’t it? He still hesitates before opening his mouth and letting out a shaky, “Hello.”

He’s thankful for the acoustics in the tunnel. Otherwise he doubts he’d be heard. 

“Why are you hiding?”

He wants to say _I’m not_ , but it’d be a lie. And something tells him the person would see right through him.

“I’m scared,” he says. 

“Hi, Scared, I’m Eliott,” the stranger says and Lucas feels puzzled for a long moment before he snorts. 

“Very funny.” Lucas rolls his eyes. “Why do you never come into the tunnel?” he asks, something he’s been wondering for days. Eliott seems to have covered the whole park countless times, but not even once has he come near stepping into Lucas’ place. 

That would make things easier. 

Eliott stays quiet for a few seconds, leaving Lucas burning in anticipation. 

“I guess I’m scared, too,” he finally says. “I’m glad I’m not the only one,” Eliott admits softly and Lucas’ lips stretch out in a smile.

He nods to himself and exhales. “Yeah. Me too.”

 

***

 

They create a routine, Eliott comes in the afternoons and sits by the tunnel for the next few hours before the sun starts setting. Lucas sits on the other side of the wall and they talk. They talk so much that by the time Eliott is gone, Lucas’ throat feels sore. It seems like the topics never stop coming and even when they feel tired of talking, just sitting close to each other feels nice. 

Lucas is overflowing with joy.

 

***

 

“So what does the twenty first century offer?” Lucas asks one day and hears Eliott snicker. 

Few beats pass and then the weirdest sound comes from Eliott’s side. And the noise just keeps on coming. 

“What is that? Are you okay?” Lucas asks, indignant. 

“It’s dubstep. Music,” Eliott answers, his voice full of glee. Lucas ignores how warm it makes him feel. 

“That’s music? Things sure have changed,” Lucas says, scowling. He remembers the locals playing him music once upon a time. It was far from this.

“It’s one of the genres, Lucas. Not many appreciate its beauty.” He sighs and stops the music soon enough. “When was the last time you were awake?”

Lucas shrugs and then remembers that Eliott can’t see him. “I don’t know. Long time ago. It’s blurry.”

Eliott hums.

“Are you immortal? You don’t eat or anything. I’ve read that this park was haunted. Are you a ghost?” 

“I don’t know, I haven’t been awake long enough to find out. And I can eat, people brought me food in the past. I just don’t feel hunger? But I’m definitely not a ghost. I have a body,” Lucas explains to him. It’s hard to have a talk like that when you know nothing about yourself, though. He’s got no idea what’s his purpose, what kind of being he is. He wishes he had the answers. 

“What happens to you when you are asleep? You lay around in the tunnel?” Eliott prods which makes Lucas’ gut churn. This makes him realise just how different their realities are and he doesn’t like it. 

“The shadows take me back,” he says since it’s the only thing he’s sure of. And even with that, he doesn’t know the whole truth. “I’m just some weird creature that gets awoken by other people’s energy entering my surroundings.”

Kind of like he was a parasite. That thought doesn’t make him feel any better. He looks down on his lap. He’s nervously tugging at the hem of his shirt. 

“Nah. I think that you are a boy trapped in the darkness. Not some sinister monster,” Eliott utters, completely convinced. He has no idea how much hearing this means to Lucas. 

 

*** 

 

A small box appears on his left side and Lucas stares at it, curious. He pokes it with his foot, but nothing happens. 

“Eliott?”

“Hmm?” 

“What’s that?”

“Things that make up the twenty first century that aren’t dubstep.”

Lucas crouches and comes closer to the box. He opens the lid and notices how it’s full with newspapers, books and… snacks? And on top of it lies a little device with wires connected to it. 

Music device, Lucas figures out. 

He stays gaping at all the things in the box, frozen in place. His heart is beating frantically in his chest and he can’t swallow around the lump that’s formed in his throat. 

“Lu?” Eliott asks, uncertain. 

Lucas sniffs, snapping out of it. “I’m here, I’m here,” he clutches on the sides of the box, his knuckles turning white. 

“Did I overstep? It is too much?” Eliott sounds scared and it’s the last thing Lucas wants him to be. 

“No, it’s… It means so much to me,” he admits, feeling choked up. “Really, thank you.”

He hopes the shadows won’t take it away from him.

 

*** 

 

Lucas devours the contents of the box in no time. Gets sucked in the world’s affairs, in the plots of the books. Falls in love with certain songs and dislikes other ones. Spends his nights eating the things that Eliott claims have changed the humanity. Lucas discusses the things he reads with Eliott. He finds himself getting excited when he hears Eliott’s opinion. It’s like for the first time he’s truly alive. 

He hasn’t realised how empty his world was before. Eliott gave Lucas an opportunity to taste what’s outside his tunnel, his park. 

It’s ecstatic and makes him want more. Experience more. Lucas wants to hear, to see, _to feel_. 

The fact he’s too scared hurts like hell. If only he knew whether stepping into the light would kill him or not. God, but how else is he supposed to find out? 

 

***

 

“Why do you come here every day?” Lucas asks Eliott one afternoon. 

He’s bound to this place, but Eliott isn’t. He can’t understand why he’d spend all his days here if there’s a whole world at his fingertips. 

“I feel safe here,” Eliott says, his tone sincere. “The world scares me.”

“Doesn’t it feel lonely?”

“It feels lonely out there,” Eliott whispers. Lucan can’t quite grasp it, but he doesn’t say anything. Sometimes silence is the best answer. “And you’re here,” Eliott adds softly. 

Lucas wishes he could touch him.

 

***

 

Eliott starts leaving him little drawings each time he goes home. They feature a raccoon and a hedgehog doing mundane things, like watching the stars or eating something together. It doesn’t take a genius to get that they represent the two of them.

They make Lucas feel warm and he knows what that means.

He carefully puts each of the drawings into the box. 

 

***

 

“Do you ever want to step into the light?”

Lucas does, oh God, Eliott has no idea how much. He has no chance to say it, though. 

“Because I really want to step into the darkness, you know. Overcome my fear of it. See you. I should do it. I mean what’s stopping me?” Eliott blurts out and Lucas hears him standing up. 

His heart jumps to his throat. But then comes big nothing. Eliott doesn’t step into the tunnel. He seems frozen in place and then, a moment later, he runs away from the tunnel. 

Lucas falls back against the wall, confused and kind of disappointed. 

He’s sure that Eliott will come back soon, but minutes pass, then hours and he’s nowhere to be heard by the time the sun sets. 

 

***

 

Eliott doesn’t come back the next day, or the day after that. 

Lucas is worried by the time it’s been over a week. Worried and feeling himself slipping back into the shadows. He’s scared he’ll never talk with Eliott if he falls asleep now. 

It breaks his heart and he revisits all of the things in the box, hoping to at least feel the ghost of Eliott in that. 

 

***

 

Lucas is drifting off when he feels it again. The energy that he knows like the back of his hand. It’s less powerful than before, but undoubtedly, it’s Eliott and he stirs awake. 

Eliott doesn’t come to him immediately. Lucas is fully conscious when Eliott plops down on the other side of the wall. 

They keep quiet, Lucas too terrified to speak up and scare Eliott off. He was sure Eliott left for good, he doesn’t feel like risking it. 

The silence doesn’t bother him as long as Eliott is there, alive and with him. 

 

***

 

Eliott leaves without uttering a single word, but there’s a drawing showing a raccoon. All alone, in the darkness. The animal looks terrified and feral.

Something sinks in the pit of Lucas’ stomach. 

 

***

 

The next few days are spent in silence as well. Lucas tells himself he isn’t bothered by it, but a part of him wants things to be like before. Unfortunately, it’s not up to him to make them like that. 

What if Eliott doesn’t want it? He’s said before that he feels safe in the park. Maybe sitting against the tunnel has nothing to do with spending time with Lucas. Maybe it’s just convenient but in reality, Eliott doesn’t want him there. 

That hurts. 

Raccoon is afraid of the darkness. Lucas’ whole world is darkness. _He_ is darkness. Eliott probably hates him. 

Lucas stands up on shaky legs, desperate to move away. To not make Eliott feel horrible. 

He takes exactly two steps when he hears a panicked, “Where are you going?” 

Lucas exhales sharply. “Don’t want to make you feel bad,” he explains, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“What? Lucas, you’re the only one keeping me grounded,” Eliott says, sounding small. 

“But the darkness and I–“ he says dumbly and Eliott sighs. 

“It’s… Lucas. Yes, I’m scared of the darkness but it has more to do with my brain than could ever with you.” He seems really tired and all Lucas wants to do is hold him. It pains him that he’s so close yet so far away. “I had an episode. That’s why I didn’t come. Now I’m just feeling low. But I want you here. Otherwise I’d have stayed at home.” Eliott sounds out of breath by the time he’s finished.

Lucas sits back down, feeling stupid for jumping to conclusions. 

“Let’s just listen to music together then,” he offers meekly, reaching out for his MP3 and the earphones that Eliott gave him. He puts one of them in his ear and then places the other one along with the device on the line where the light meets the shadows. 

Once he knows Eliott took the earphone, he presses play and in what feels like ages, exhales. 

 

***

 

Following an origami tutorial by only sound is hard. Especially when you have clumsy fingers like Lucas. But they decided to have some fun. For the record, though, Eliott isn’t watching the video either. Fair play, he claimed.

Which, isn’t that true because Eliott said he has some experience with origami already. His ex-girlfriend taught him or something like that. Lucas tuned out a little when Eliott talked about her. No hard feelings, though. 

“I’m excited for what you are going to make,” Eliott says, a smile audible in his voice and Lucas grins despite himself. 

“Don’t get too excited, though. It looks awful.” Lucas grimaces and folds the corner of something that’s supposed to be a wing of a bird. 

“It doesn’t matter. It’ll be something from you. It’ll have a meaning.”

Oh yeah, because they are giving these to each other. 

Lucas feels himself blush and he says, “Kind of like the drawings you leave me.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been drawing me love letters.” Lucas closes his eyes, ready to be rejected. 

A beat of silence. Then:

“And you’re finally giving me one back.”

 

***

 

“I see something green,” Eliott says and Lucas sighs with exasperation.

“A tree.”

“Yes!” Eliott answers, for some reason giddy, even though they’ve been playing this game for the past twenty minutes. 

“I see… something pointy.”

“A stone.”

“Yes, Eliott.”

“I see something with feathers.”

“A bird.”

Eliott hums which makes Lucas roll his eyes. 

“I see something grey,” Lucas drawls out, his tone bored. 

“Another stone. Come on, Lu. Get creative,” Eliott teases. 

“Can’t really get creative in here.”

“Doesn’t it ever get sad? Not seeing other things, I mean.”

“I go outside, you know,” Lucas says, frowning. He’s sure he must have mentioned it to Eliott at some point. The gasp he hears on the other side means otherwise, though. 

“You do?” There’s hurt in Eliott’s voice and Lucas doesn’t understand why. 

“Yeah, I wander around the park at night.”

“Oh. Of course. It’s so ironic. The only time you come out, it’s when I can’t be here,” Eliott mutters bitterly.

“The first few nights, before you came up to me, I’d walk around, tracing your energy. You were still here in a way,” Lucas assures him. “But. It does get sad. Even outside. Ever since you’ve shown me all these things. I’ve never wanted to step out this much as I do now. See the world. Be with you.” He gnaws on his bottom lip, annoyed. He hates how human Eliott’s made him feel to the point he’s longing for more day by day. 

He’s become so greedy.

 

***

 

Now, every time Eliott comes, he brings printed out pictures from his everyday life and when he leaves, Lucas collects yet another drawing of a raccoon and a hedgehog being together. 

Lucas starts giving Eliott stones with hearts carved in them, because that’s all he has to offer. 

One day Eliott brings him a bouquet of colourful flowers; says they made him think of Lucas.

The same night Lucas creates a bouquet of leaves and flowers he finds in the park. 

Lucas’ tunnel reminds more of a home than of a scary place full of shadows. It becomes filled with Eliott. In the end, someone so full of light was bound to make the darkest place shine. 

Lucas longs for him.

 

***

 

“Why do you never ask me for a picture of myself?” Eliott asks, curious. 

“Because it’d only make me want more.”

 

***

 

It’s a quiet day and Lucas is rereading one of the books when he hears Eliott sigh deeply. He stops reading for a second, waiting for something to come out, but nothing does. He gets back to the book, but then Eliott clears his throat. He seems to be struggling with something.

“Everything alright?” Lucas asks him. 

“Do you remember when I disappeared for a few days?”

“Yeah?”

“I told you I had an episode, but I didn’t explain more. And if we– if we have something going on. If we are something, I want you to know. I’m mentally ill,” Eliott admits, sounding worn out. 

And Lucas kind of connects the dots. There’s a book concerning mental health amongst the ones Eliott has given him. Makes sense. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lucas asks, wary. He doesn’t want to cross any boundaries. 

“I just want you to know that sometimes I get too happy or too sad. And it’s not easy,” Eliott mumbles. 

Lucas turns a little, so he’s partly facing the wall and he presses his palm against it. The closest he can get to touching Eliott. 

“Nothing about us is easy. It’s okay, I got you,” he whispers, his fingers twitching. 

 

***

 

Lucas is sitting in the place Eliott usually takes up; his energy is crawling all over Lucas’ skin. Overflowing. 

It’s night and the stars are exceptionally bright. And Lucas wonders. 

He’s known that Eliott and he are Something. However, he didn’t know what to do about it since they are both stuck in different places. Now, he isn’t so certain anymore. After all, the stars and the moon emit light and it doesn’t kill Lucas. 

Perhaps, the fact he was born from shadows doesn’t mean he’s tied to them forever. What if his fear is unreasonable, he ponders, reaching out his palm towards the sky. Watching how the moonlight seeps through the spaces between his fingers and he’s still there. 

He could be with Eliott and see the outside world. Stop being hidden. Live. 

If it’s the reality he could have had all along and the only thing that’s been stopping Lucas is fear, would that make him pathetic?

With this way of thinking, Eliott would be pathetic as well. He doesn’t have the risk of dying if he steps into complete darkness, yet he still stays away. 

Concluding, Lucas can’t say he’s pathetic. That would mean he thinks the same about Eliott when he’s far from it. 

Their reasons are valid. It just sucks that he’s been holding himself back all this time. 

Maybe the moment to fight for what he craves the most has finally come. 

 

*** 

 

It’s pouring outside the tunnel the next day and it’s ironic, given what Lucas is going to do. It’s as if shadows were mourning him. And he isn’t sure if he wants to know whether it’s because of him leaving or dying. 

Lucas can’t wait to find out. Although, he can’t lie and feel anxious about the possibility of Eliott not coming in such weather. 

He’s about to resign and leave his plan for another day when he feels it, the familiar energy entering the park. 

He breathes out and comes close to the place the tunnel ends. He looks up and sees the outside. The rain falling down. Lucas braces himself. His heart is about to beat out of his chest and his palms are sweating. 

Then, he sees Eliott getting closer to the tunnel and stopping in his tracks once he notices Lucas. 

That’s all he needs to take the first step towards what can be. 

Despite the fact it’s raining, the sun is still shining through the clouds, making everything glow. And Lucas is scared, but he’s already outside the tunnel. His legs are taking him forward, to Eliott.

And he doesn’t wither away. 

Upon being meters away from Eliott, Lucas notes how beautiful he is. Dreamlike. 

He stops in front of him and looks at him in awe. He’s been trying to imagine him for so long, but none of the things Lucas came up with do Eliott justice. 

Lucas reaches out his hands and at first there’s reluctance painted all over Eliott’s face. Then, his hands grab Lucas’ and their fingers entwine. 

“You are here,” Eliott whispers, bewildered. He squeezes Lucas’ palms, as if to make sure he’s real.

Lucas nods and smiles up at him.

A few seconds pass and their lips collide in a kiss so hungry, Lucas might actually pass out from how dizzy it makes him feel. 

They kiss until their lips are sore, holding onto each other like a lifeline, and then they kiss some more. They only stop to look into each other’s eyes. Eliott presses his forehead against Lucas’, cupping Lucas’ face in his palms. 

They breathe each other in and grin.

Lucas is alive.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u liked it! any comments n kudos will be rly appreciated <3  
> u can find me @butchmoons or @vitanes(where i post my writing)


End file.
